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In order to make it possible for everyone to attend church next week, we are planning a special no-excuse Sunday. 1. Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say, "Sunday is my only day for sleeping in". 2. Eye-drops will be available for those whose eyes are tired from watching TV too late on Saturday night. 3. We will have steel helmets for those who believe the roof will cave in if they show up for church services. 4. Blankets will be furnished for those who complain that the church is too cold. Fans will be on hand for those who say the church is too hot. 5. We will have hearing aids for the parishioners who say, "The Vicar doesn't talk loudly enough". There will be cotton wool for those who say, "The Vicar talks too loudly". 6. Score-cards will be available for those who wish to count the hypocrites. 7. We guarantee that some relatives will be present for those who like to go visiting on Sunday. 8. There will be TV dinners available for those who claim they can't go to church and cook dinner too. 9. One section of the church will have some trees and grass for those who see God in nature, especially on the golf-course. 10. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies to create a familiar environment for those who have never seen the church without them. See you in church! found in a church in Bradford-on-Avon by John Barrett. [Acknowledgement to 'Crossing' Holy Cross, Motspur Park magazine]. |
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page last updated 1 APRIL 2000 |
