St George's Players you may know
Each year present a New Year show.
A Pantomime or a Revue
Is what we usually do.
This year a "multitude" of Acts,
Dance, Drama, Song, Historic Facts.
With title quite Liturgical:
"Ancient & Modern" Music Hall.
With trumpet solo did begin,
And guitar, flutes and violin
All featured later in our show,
Accompanied by piano.
It's raining men
The Youth Club danced with large umbrellas,
Whilst fending off a shower of fellas
That fair poured down, unfortunately
They didn't "rain" as far as me.
(One disadvantage now I know
Of helping with the video!)
A story told our Norman, who
Had quite a mishap in the loo.
Someone had nicked the seat - oh dear!
'Twas nowhere safe to plant his rear.
He bumped his head, he banged his tail,
He cried in pain, let out a wail.
And finally, crawling on the floor,
Came face to foot at open door
With slippers, owner's name unknown,
But never seen before at home.
His state of painful agitation
I'll leave to your imagination!
Albert and the Lion
Next Pa and Ma and Albert too
All took a trip to Blackpool Zoo.
The young lad, seeing now't to fear,
He poked yon lion in 'is ear.
A lion you can soon annoy -
He swallowed whole the darling boy.
They took the tale of Albert's fate
Straight to the nearest Magistrate
Who wasn't any help, I fear,
Suggesting Mother now should rear
More baby Alberts and Albertas,
"Not ruddy likely!" Mother told her.
(Such words as these are rarely seen
Twixt pages of this magazine.
However, graphically enhances
Particularly, these circumstances).
Our "Ladies" sang a song by Queen,
And danced and hoovered in between.
And as they sang of "Breaking Free"
A sudden thought occurred to me.
As four in number this group musters -
That's two weeks worth of Holy Dusters!
It's a fair cop
A "fair cop" followed, 'twas in stature
A sketch of quite arresting nature.
Quite complicated, as you see
Involved a lot of villainy.
Policemen, gasmen (burglars all)
Deprived of their illicit haul.
The moral of this tale should be
For those engaged in larceny,
You never know who you might meet,
So don't forget to wipe your feet.
When Father papered the parlour
Pa thought it would be just the thing
To try his hand at papering
The Parlour, but his DIY
Began quite soon to go awry.
Ambitions of re-decoration
Reduced to sticky devastation.
With hindsight, Council wise would take,
To Bank on friends was a mistake.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Snow White, abandoned in the city,
(Step mother thought she was too pretty!)
Found new employers were quite nice,
In fact they only had one vice,
'Twas gambling, but with Snow White's aid,
Devised a plan by which it paid.
(It never seems to work for me,
Especially with the Lottery!)
There's a hole in my bucket
Where Jane and Lesley told a tale
Of problems quite "beyond the pail".
A wholly unsuccessful try
At bucket-mending DIY.
Community Singing (1)
The audience, the cast, M/C,
That's all of us in harmony,
Much loved traditional melodies
We sang, of birds and flowers and bees,
Of Fathers with unsteady gait,
And Fairies past their "sell-by" date.
Then, after this cacophony
Of sound, the Interval, and tea.
(2nd half). Praying Mantis Wedding
The Praying Mantis flushed with pride
At thoughts of honeymoon with bride.
But blanched to shades of palest green
On hearing details of the scheme,
In which his love in passionate ardour
Most murderous Mantis thoughts did harbour.
Disposing of her new relation
By means of swift decapitation,
Or if you would prefer instead-ed,
Wedded, bedded and be-headed!
Return of Albert
"Albert's Return" we featured next,
With Pa and Ma both looking vexed.
The man from 'Pru there then arrived,
Financial gain could be derived.
Whilst Pa was keen to take the money,
Ma didn't find it quite so funny.
But Albert got regurgitated,
And Pa and money separated.
Poor Albert at his Dad's suggestion
Went back to test more beasts' digestion.
Pharophic dancing in the sand,
With artistes from a far off land.
That's Egypt - where it's hot and sunny.
In fact - two Daddies and a Mummy!
The Pied Piper of Hamlyn Town,
Caused all the vermin there to drown.
Did every rat exterminate
On promise of the going rate.
But when the time came to be paid,
By mayor and council was betrayed.
So took his pipe and played once more,
The children ne'er again they saw.
Another moral here, maybe,
In this sad tale of treachery.
Don't mess with men from Pest Control
If they're the least bit musical.
Our Norman, once again he gave
A bathroom monologue, "The Shave."
Misfortune scarce to be believed,
Whilst grappling with a shaver lead.
A torrid tale of trial and error,
Attempting to locate a mirror.
He came to grief - and dare I say -
Near met his end in the bidet,
Whose taps, of course, were not designed
For undue pressure from behind.
Hunting Song / Poisoning pigeons in the park
Then Tony Shepherd told us how
He bagged nine humans and a cow.
Pure Guernsey bred, to be precise,
Which I don't think was very nice.
To make things worse, just for a lark
Went poisoning pigeons in the park.
These crimes, of course, don't get me wrong,
Were all contained within a song.
A Battle of a by-gone age
Was taking place upon our stage,
Or rather not, when war he faced,
King Harold seemed in no great Hast -
ings - tead retired most happily,
Swapping England for Normandy.
(And so he didn't really die,
Just had a rather poorly eye).
I think that here our Jane excelled
With literary licence overwhelmed!
Community Singing (2)
Then, at the End we sang again,
And finished sparkling with Champagne -
(That's musically, not booz-icly,
We'd only had a cup of tea!)
Our thanks, as always, now are due
To sound and lighting, backstage crew,
To pianist, artistes and M/C,
Plus all who helped to make the tea.
(And may I say before I go,
For all who didn't see our show,
We thought of that, for don't you know
You now can buy the Video!)
Video recordings of the show are available, in aid of Church Funds. Price £5 (discount of £1 for cast). Contact John or Janet Johnson, 023 9226 5634.