Welcome to the February 2003 On-Line Edition of

St George's News

Waterlooville's Parish Magazine


in a cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

in a Laundromat:
Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

in a London department store:
Bargain Basement Upstairs

in an Office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

in another Office:
After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

outside a second hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.

Quicksand Warning:
Quicksand any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving his or her garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

in a health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.

spotted in a safari park:
Elephants Please Stay in Your Car.

seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and does not know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

on a repair shop door:
We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell does not work.)

spotted in a toilet in London:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

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page last updated 29 January 2003