in a cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
in a Laundromat:
Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
in a London department store:
Bargain Basement Upstairs
in an Office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
in another Office:
After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
outside a second hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
Quicksand any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving his or her garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
in a health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.
spotted in a safari park:
Elephants Please Stay in Your Car.
seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and does not know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
on a repair shop door:
We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell does not work.)
spotted in a toilet in London:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.