There happened "Once upon a Time"
St George's New Year Pantomime.
Alice in Wonderland by name,
And guaranteed to entertain.
Our Alice sat upon the stage,
Declining to peruse a page
Of book, preferring she should play
With kitten, on that summer's day.
When suddenly, what should appear
But rabbit, white and long of ear.
Who muttering that he was late,
And panicking about his fate.
Down nearby hole did then descend,
Which would, of course, have been THE END.
'cept Alice upped and followed too
This energetic bunny, who
Though having led her so astray
Seemed strangely disinclined to stay.
So Alice found herself alone
In room, with bottle made of stone
With "DRINK ME" written on its side,
And recklessly did then decide
She would, so did, and took a drink
And instantly began to shrink.
And where was rabbit, where was he
The cause of this adversity?
Most inconveniently was seen
Through keyhole of a door bright green.
Poor Alice couldn't reach the key
(She'd shrunk, remember), fortunately
The door, who talked, suggested that
She try the entry made for cat.
This feat achieved successfully
Our Pantomime now reached scene three.
Where Alice met, collectively,
A butterfly, mouse, turtle, bee
And Dodo with Australian hat,
Which gentleman advised her that
The wisest course of action she
Could take would very likely be
To ask the twins. (I can't think why -
But anything was worth a try!)
Twins Tweedledee and Tweedledum
Were not amused when poked in tum
By Alice hoping to reveal
If they were wax, or they were real.
Having established by this act
(Achieved with something less than tact)
The latter, sang, then did recite
Some poetry, then had a fight.
Which proved my point, as you'll recall
I said they'd be no help at all!
The Queen of Hearts lamented sore
Her tray of jam tarts seen no more,
Decided that they had been "nicked"
And Alice as the thief was picked.
The Queen declared majestically
The punishment for this should be
The swift removal of her head,
Which would have left her rather dead.
(A thought has just occurred to me -
I'm glad I'm not the P.C.C.)
The flowers all declared indeed
Poor Alice was some type of weed,
A mille and a centipede
And Caterpillar all agreed.
But Alice seeking still to find
That rabbit of the tardy kind,
Asked for their aid, and was told that
She'd better ask the Cheshire Cat.
Who didn't have a lot to say
And wasn't giving much away.
(But later on, I must admit,
Did re-appear and do his bit.)
Then Alice at White Rabbit's home,
Finding that she was all alone
And wanting very much to eat,
Decided she would munch a sweet.
The box's label writ' so neatly
Most invitingly read "EAT ME".
It couldn't hurt to eat just one.
And in an instant it was done.
The girl at once began to grow
Which frightened the householder so,
He gave a shriek and ran away
Though Alice begged that he should stay.
A juicy carrot put things right
Reducing her to normal height.
A very clever thing to do -
We all know veg is good for you!
The Mad Hatter sat down to tea
Expectant of more company
Than Dormouse and the Mad March Hare.
Then Alice claimed a vacant chair.
It was they said a special date -
An "un-birthday" to celebrate.
Young Alice told them of her plight,
And did the sorry tale recite,
Of rabbit hole, and door, and that
She was the owner of a CAT.
At this the Hatter, Dormouse, Hare,
Plus the White Rabbit (who'd got there
But late as usual), turned and fled.
Could it have been something she said?
The Queen had ordered roses - red.
The gardener planted white instead.
(An error that must be corrected
Before by Royalty detected).
They set to work, our willing band -
It's not all play in Wonderland.
The Queen decided all should play
The Royal version of croquet.
This not the easiest thing to do
With hedgehog ball and live emu,
And with the sweetest fluffy thing
All neck and legs, and held with string.
As Alice said to Cheshire Cat,
It was extremely likely that,
With hoops that moved and ball the same,
Her Majesty would win the game.
And then to Alice's distress
The Queen saw "Jam Tart" on her dress.
Summoned the constabulary
To proceed as necessary.
Although her innocence protested,
Alice found herself arrested.
Poor Alice then was sent for trial
(A process which could take a while)
With jurors scribbling frantically,
Mad Hatter finishing his tea,
And there as well, the Knave of Hearts
Who really stole the Queen's Jam Tarts.
An alibi he then advanced
Declared he had been potting plants.
(A likely story!)
So Alice told them once again
How she to Wonderland first came.
Once more she spoke that fateful word;
The very instant it was heard
By the assembled company,
In panic they began to flee,
You'll never cease to wonder at
The chaos caused by one small cat.
Thus in the midst of this mêlée
Young Alice made her getaway.
And aided by the Cheshire Cat
Awoke to find was safely sat
In garden, and so now did seem
The whole adventure was a dream.
Thus ended "Once upon a time"
St George's New Year Pantomime.
Our thanks to cast and backstage crew
Who had a thousand things to do,
Plus everyone who made the tea
And Norman for his scenery.
And if by chance you missed our show
You soon can buy the video!
Janet Johnson
